The start of the journey...

Sitting here in my bed listening to Julie Meyer's CD "I Fall in Love" play in my itunes. Crazy thing is, I could almost close my eyes and be 22 again... sitting on my bed in my dad's place with a little baby in my arms. I remember looking at my little one every day thinking to myself, how was I ever going to get myself out of the mess (or plural is more like it) that I had gotten myself into. I had lived my life so absolutely selfishly and rebelliously up until that point that there was no doubt in my mind, I couldn't help myself. The first time I heard this CD, I was at the end of "me". I was done chasing after the other lovers, the idols, the things that brought 5 seconds of fun with years of pain attached. I was eating, breathing, sleeping, moving... but not living. I was dead. This CD, one song in particular, brought me a glimpse of hope. In those final "me" days, I toyed with one thought off and on for weeks before anything ever changed... "Maybe He won't deny me, maybe He'll still love me"... I knew that if He did still love me, it would be more then a miracle. It was a scary thought, even letting myself think that. It was through one song that I finally heard the answer to the painful question I continually asked myself. The tender answer that he gave me through this song was all this broken heart ever needed. It's crazy, but He still speaks to me this way... through other's songs. For that time in life, this song was the breath of God to me.

The lyrics to the Julie Meyer:

When I've lost my way,

and my hope is gone

When the middle of my road

is anything but straight

and darkness seems to follow me

you ask me, where do I go

where do I turn

who do I know?

I turn my eyes up to the skies

I find hope there

I turn my eyes up to the skies

I find the rain

I feel the wind

and I see Him again

When the rain falls

on my face

when I feel the wind blowing

when I see the lightening

dancing across the sky

I feel like I look into my father's eyes

I feel Him in the wind

I see Him in the rain

I see Him in the stars

I can feel His arms around me

Holding me, loving me, lifting me, filling me

I feel His arms around me

when I see the rain

when I feel the breeze blowing

when I see the rain

I see His face

when I feel the wind

I see Him again

when I hear the thunder I hear the voice of God

calling me

I know the Lord

I know His voice

I know His touch

I know His face

I hear the Lord,

as the thunder rolls across the sky

I hear His voice

so see the Lord in the storm again

so see the Lord in your life again

see the Lord for

the rainbow is coming again!!!

The rainbow, the rainbow, the rainbow is coming again

and the clouds roll back and the sun shines again

into your life again, again

Into your life, the sun will shine again!

It still brings much joy, when I let the reality hit me. The truth is, God would've gone to any lengths to secure my love. In fact, He did. So He has it. He's won it. He can have all of me, because He pursued me through it all. He resuscitated me back from the dead... He caused me to hope again. I love Him. Oh how I love Him~