So perfect

So... I don't want to say too much too early on, but God is doing something huge right now in my heart. I am tired, tonight, from spending the day and all of my energy on being transparent, not to mention a whole crapload of tears. Not so much before man, and even though He knows all before I bare myself before Him, but before the Father. I guess I've been kind of ignoring Him for a long time now. See in the past whenever things would get crazy or I would feel my faith begin to waiver, it's Father God that would bare the brunt of my immature and completely erroneous accusation. I don't have much of a problem relating to my best friend and confidant, Holy Spirit. I don't even have much of an issue relating to my perfect husbandman, Jesus (although it would make sense for this to be where my problem lies). When things are hard for me and I feel alone, I always resort to superimposing my past "father" experiences onto Father God and accusing Him in my heart. So. After lots of prayer today and confessing my sin before God and a good friend, after realizing that I'll never move forward without letting God into that very painful area and feeling the pain of failure to embrace perfect love... I'm done. Done with the accusations and agreeing with the ultimate accuser. Jesus Christ came as the perfect representation and perfect likeness of the Father, and He is the Faithful Witness. His life on earth was the witness to men of the Father's character, since no man had ever seen God. So, with the strength of the Holy Spirit inside of me, I commit to letting God do this work in me. God will be defining and refining my perspective of "father". I am a little frightened of what that all entails. On the other hand, I am so very excited to see what He has in store for me. As my momma always says, yay for love!!!